this may seem long.. but its worth a look i promise

So recently i have been kinda in a rut.. i dont want to go to classes or do my work.. and it has proven a very bad rut because i am now VERY behind in most of my classes. But sometimes it is hard to do something that i absolutely do not like (aka school) espically when i do not know where it is going to take me or why exaclty i am here. i do appreciated the varied education i am getting and like most of my classes, its just the extra umph i am lacking. well as i was praying this morning a verse to a song called "we are broken" popped into my head, and it goes like this

Keep me safe inside

Your arms like towers

Tower over me

Yeah

Cause we are broken

What must we do to restore

Our innocence

And oh, the promise we adored

Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole

i can relate to this alot. sometimes i feel like college has broken my spirits, beaten me down, and left me there broken and wounded. innocence is an idea of the past, and being sheltered is no longer an option most of the time.

it seems like we all have this idea that we can only accept an A or a B and anything less is a disgrace. if you do not go to college you are a failure. if you follow your heart and become something that doesnt make a lot of money- thats almost frowned upon. college is a time for peopel to find them selves, but it is also a time when people lose themselves in what they thing is the right way. sometimes never having fun, or having the wrong kind of fun. always studying, trying to get ahead. i almost wish i was 4 or 5 again where the only thing that matters was Thomas the Tank Engine and coloring. now its all about how am i going to make money, how am i going to support myself, how am i going to stay on top of things- HOW AM I GOING TO LIVE?!

well i'll tell you i am sick of worrying about where i am going to be next year, next month, even tomorrow. all we have is right now. how can we prepare for a future if we arent even certain we will get one? watching that video on Mr. H's blog really made me think. i want to have an impact on people's lives like that Hungarian dude. i actually wish i could have known him- he seemed really humble, sweet, and wise. we all have a "Hungarian," a mentor, someone who says something that is just woah and it makes you think, or change your ways.

well here is something from one of my hungarians. she is a 17 year old mother of a 3 year old toddler- you do the math. yet she is the most amazing girl i have ever met, so wise and strong- and she has such a positive out look on her hard life. she just has this look on life thats like i dont care what people think because what only matters is that i am happy, my son is provided for and God is always there- He makes it happen. it is truely amazing.. well anways i took the list below from her myspace.. these are "rules to live by" that she wrote.. and i thought they were pretty good. well enjoy!

RULES TO LIVE BY:

1. don't conform to society. it makes everything seem bland.
2. be outrageous. outgoing. extraordinary.
2.5. NEVER give up your self-respect, and NEVER change to conform to a small and idiotic portion of society. WHY WOULD YOU EVER WANT TO BE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE?
3. take advice.
4. form your own opinions.
5. trust is important. influential. and not always necessary.
6.always say what you mean, and mean what you say.
7. twisting reality never gets you anywhere.
8. sex doesn't get you anywhere.
9. obtain a high self esteem.
10. find your signature face
11. don't forget who you are and what you want to accomplish.
12. dream and be successful.
13. school should be your life. school is what decides whether or not you will work in mcdonalds or own a large house. with that said, do well in school.
14. live your life on the edge, it's the only one you'll get.
15. there is no other world, so treat this one well.
16. believe in karma.
17. don't weigh yourself too often or look in the mirror every other hour.
18. have self confidence.
19. learn to speak up.
20. voice your opinions and don't follow the crowd.
21. being popular and having loads of friends isn't always the best thing in life.
22. family. full stop. treat it well. be nice. helpful. don't argue.
23. cut your toenails.
24. read a billion books.
25. memorize a song and sing at the top of your lungs.
26. laugh for 15 minutes everyday.
27. don't worry.
28. sometimes dress to impress.
29. sometimes dress for yourself.
30. mismatch.
31. buy bright coloured shoes. and wear them.
32. write a poem.
33. travel the world.
34. take pictures. not of yourself.
35.everyone can see you, but make them register who you are.
36. recognition.
37.accomplishment.
38. use crest white strips. they work :]
39. blow bubbles.
40. dance in the rain.
41. write a love letter.
42. keep a diary.
43. help a person in need.
44. find the cure for cancer.
45. sit on the floor of a movie theater and make spitballs in straws.
46. look at the clouds.
47. draw a tree, a flower, a bird.
48. run until your heart bursts.
49. give to charity.
50. light your hand on fire.
50.5 "when there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire" - stars
51. keep a secret.
52. make a scrapbook.
53. become a parent
54. buy organic foods. and eat sushi. detoxify.
55. laugh at yourself.
56. go a day without makeup. maybe two if you feel dangerous.
57. tell the truth.
57.5 dont give in to social pressures. that in itself is not cool. not cool at all
58. give out random presents. and hugs.
59. buy a SUPPPER fattening dougnuts in a supermarket.
60. try out for the dance team. chorus. or drama.
61. play football.
62. plant a tree. be enviromentally friendly.
63. sleep on the beach.
63.5. make loads of money and give it all to charity
64. camp in the woods.
65. listen to the birds. or the freeway.
66. try a rollercoaster.
67. understand the opposite sex
68. relax. enjoy. sleep. dream.
69. live. love. cry and die.